i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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