Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
