Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
