just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize