He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
