Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
