i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
