break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
