I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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