from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
