did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize