just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
