everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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