On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
