Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dicks are not precious.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
