Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
