he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
