I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
