i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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