I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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