Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
