i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
