this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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