sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When did angry sex become our thing?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
