She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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