Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
