Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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