Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
