i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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