Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
