he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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