well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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