yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
