If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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