Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
