I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
