maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
