They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
