"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
