remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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