i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
