I wish I could teleport
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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