guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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