i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
