What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
