whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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