you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
