I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
