i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize