i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
