Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize