Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
