somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
