I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
