You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
