Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
