I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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