So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
