I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
