and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
