i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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