For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
