Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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