I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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