walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
