I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize