Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize