i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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