My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
