I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
